The weekend

So after the week I had last week, I decided to have a relaxing fun weekend for myself. On Friday night, I ordered pizza and relaxed. Then on Saturday, my family celebrated my mom's 53rd birthday. My dad smoked brisket and bologna and we had a nice late lunch. Then that night, I was bored, so I dragged my Christmas trees out of storage and put them up. I love Christmastime. There is magic in the air, and I love how everything has an extra special look. I have three trees. I have one 6 foot tree, a 4 foot tree and a 3 foot tree. Here are the pictures:

The Littlest tree:

The Mid-sized tree:

And this is my big tree:

I am sure many will think I am completely insane for putting my trees up so early, but it was a great way for me to relax and be happy without spending one penny. I have the next two months to put out all my decorations, but I wanted to get my trees up this weekend.

Oh yeah, I also got a new piece of furniture this last week. A friend of mine was moving and didn't have room at her new place and didn't have room in her storage for this vanity. I have always thought it was beautiful, so she gave me first dibs on it! I am excited! Here's its picture:

I hope everyone has a great week! ;-)

Two-faced

Current mood: pissed off

I realize, to a certain extent, we are all two-faced. We all have to put on different masks for the different scenarios with which we are presented. I realize we are a different person at work than we are at home. We have a complete different vocabulary used there, I mean no in my family would understand the terms: optimization, keywords, page ranking, targeted traffic, etc. We go to church and use another set of terms: hallelujah, adoration, back-slidden, etc. We can pick different places, and I am convinced that we are different people for different places. I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing, we just naturally do that.

Here's the problem I have... Why should we be someone completely different with our own family? Are these people supposed to be the people who know us most intimately? Are we not supposed to be understanding and honest with family? Shouldn't we be empathetic and "soul-knowing" of those who share the same blood line as us?

I am pissed that I was fooled by a family member. I was blamed for something that had nothing to do with me other than orientation, and when I showed up to visit with family, everyone acted calm. Then I get to work today and find out that I was/am being blamed for something that happened. Seriously, I wish if someone has an issue with me, they would state it instead of being distant and implying that they are just tired. And, who gives others the authority to cast blame before finding out who instigated anything? Above all, we all need to remember that no one is without fault. I think I do a pretty good job at showing my real self. For years, I played the game of hiding myself, my thoughts and my attitude. But the last two years has been a great learning experience. I am a more effective person because I am not trying to fool myself or even my family. I cannot help that some people don't have the balls to be who they truly are. I cannot help that people don't have the balls to actually speak what they truly believe. I cannot help that some people don't have the nerve to actually look me in the eyes to see who I am and what I actually believe. I cannot help that some people don't have the balls to be honest with themselves, and better yet, God.

I know how difficult and scary it can seem to face honesty for the first time. I've been there done that...And I might add, it wasn't my choice to be honest. If I'd had my way about it, I would have stayed closeted until after those who I thought would "crucify" me had long passed away. I was busted out of the closet by the one who chooses to be dishonest and two-faced with me. However, as much as I wish I would have had the nerve/guts/balls to be honest with myself and family, I felt I couldn't...so in a way I understand. But since I have faced reality and honesty, I know it truly is the best policy.

I am sure this seems vague, but whatever....I had to vent somehow. I'll just say this: it is a sad day when those who give off the air that they are God's greatest Christians can't even face honesty. How do they ever plan on being effective in "the Lord's work?"

Sorry for venting...but whatever......

Mundane

Mundane....that seems to describe life to a "T" right now. My 27th birthday came and went. Although it can be depressing that I am another year older, and it seems none the wiser, I was quite pleased that nothing eventful happened on the 29th.

I think my birthday is a cursed day.... More than 1/4 of my birthdays have been bad...so I am always a little skeptical when my birthday rolls around. Even though I didn't do anything spectacular, I did get to bed early and had a full night's rest. My family and I celebrated the day before. It was the first time I have ever had a decorated cake that was bought...so that was exciting!

This last Sunday, I sang in church. The last time I had done that was Easter...I know that might not seem like a long time, but when one considers that I used to sing everyday, 7 months is a long time. It was a great service, and I was honored to be a part of it all. I enjoy being back in music. But, I am extremely nervous to be a part of the band since it is not the style of music I am accustomed to.

I am still loving my scooter. It is nice being able to get to places real quickly. I also like being mobile. I have been able to be a little more social with friends and different functions they host. This last week, I was able to go to friends' houses to watch the 2 presidential and vice presidential debates. Of course, being here in Celina, I am one of 2 people my age who are democrats. That's ok...I am confident that God will open the eyes of those who can't see the light yet...ha ha ha.

I am not a sports fan...never have been one, but tomorrow night, I am going to a pre-UT/Oklahoma game party. It should be fun. It will be at the home of the pharmacists here in town. My family always roots for Oklahoma, but everyone here in Celina backs UT. Thankfully I don't follow sports so no one expects me to support any certain team.

Well, I should get back to my mundane life..... Have a great day!

And so life goes on...

Last week, I was seriously asking God to come back. I was so sick of the rat-race that life presents itself as at times. But, like all things, I survived. There were some glimpses of God showing his love and care for me through it all too!

On Friday as I was finishing up my work for the week, my boss pulls up on his Vespa scooter. He is gone this week, and wanted to tell me some final stuff before he left. As he was leaving, he tossed me the keys and told me to keep it for the weekend. Then he asked if I was interested in buying it. The Vespa is great for my situation. It does not require a drivers license or insurance. It goes at normal in-town speeds. He told me he'd sell it to me for $850. Then he told me I could even make payments, so that I wouldn't be stretched for cash.

I woke up on Saturday morning and received a text from my boss letting me know that I am receiving a raise for being with the company for over a year. That will cover my payments, plus a little extra for 8.5 months! Now, I am not strapped to being here in the "Celina Metrolex." ha ha ha

Isn't it funny how we as humans are not able to see past our seemingly insurmountable situations? I was ready to give up last week, but God reminded me that he's still in control and is still looking out for me.

The situation with my electricity is fixed. I got power again on Thrusday. I was able to put a stop payment on my original electricity payment. I did loose the food that was in my refidgerator...but that's okay. I was probably needing to clean it out anyway. My grandmother is here from California, and she decided to buy me and my brother James tons of groceries. So overall, I came out better than I started the week. Looking back, I shouldn't be surprised, but I am.

I am reminded of a verse in the bible...Psalms 66:12. It says: You have caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but you brought us out into a wealthy place.

It's so true...right?

The harder I try....

Ok, I think I am about to give up....Give up on adulthood, that is. It seems the harder I try to be responsible and make the best choices, the more opposition I find in my way. I got home from work last night to find that my electricity had been turned off. It seems that they never received my payment. I use a power company where I didn't have to put down a deposit. Which is cool, but that means that if payments are late, then the power gets turned off. So, I had to make a payment over the phone. When I asked what will happen if/when they receive my check, I was told they will go ahead and deposit the check. It will be posted as a credit to my account. Which, if I had the cash to burn, that would be great. However, I don't have the extra $175 to just double pay an electric bill in one month.

Last night was quite interesting at my place. I lit candles and relaxed on the couch with my dog. Cappie has been the best little friend in the world. I can hold her and she makes me smile. I totally understand why dogs are called man's best friend. I love snuggling with her in the mornings and playing with her when we first wake.

I cut and colored my friends hair last night too. She is getting married, so since she is getting all new dishes and kitchen stuff, she gave me her old stuff. I love getting new-used stuff like that. I am not going to use the dishes she gave me everyday, but I don't think one can have too many dishes. I never know when I will have company and might need an extra plate or an extra bowl. She also gave me a set of mixing bowl...I LOVE MATCHING MIXING BOWL!!!! They are white with a blue ring around the top of it.

I went home during lunch to check and see if my power is back...and it is not. I want to cry.....

This time of year

There is something about a change in weather that brings a smile to my face. I was doing laundry last night and this morning before work, and as I was folding shorts, I wondered if I would be wearing them anymore this year. Last night, I turned the air conditioner completely off and opened all the windows to my place. I slept so good last night. I think it was the combination of the cool, fall-like weather and the fresh air that filled my home.

While getting ready for work this morning, I turned to a different side of my closet...the long sleeved section. I enjoy cooler weather more than I do warm weather. Strictly on the side of fashion, I have more clothes to support cool/cold weather than I do summer wear.

I think there is something about the brisk air that takes me back to when I was about 5 years old. My family lived in Fresno, California. I remember getting ready to go to kindergarten. My dad always woke us up every morning. He worked nights, so his time to spend with us was waking us up and getting us ready for school. I remember wearing short sleeved shirts, but inthe mornings as we were walking out the door and going to school, I would freeze. By the end of the day, I was glad I wore short sleeves.

I guess this weather makes me a little nostalgic. I want to go buy a pumpkin...not that I would eat it or carve it into a jack-o-lantern. I want to simmer apple cider on the stove. I can't wait to start seeing the leaves drastically change their colors. I look forward to wearing sweaters. For me this is the perfect time of year.

Back in the old habit...

Ok, so yesterday I did something I swore I would never do again. I went to an audition. The church where I have been attending was having auditions for their band. I haven't really been active with music since before Easter of this year. That might not seem like a long time, but for someone who used to vocalize all the time, it seems like ages to me. I was so nervous too. I felt like I was back in college auditioning for different choirs, musicals, and operas.

I asked my sister, Alyssa, to come with me to the audition. I don't know too many people at the church, so I wanted someone with me that I knew. We got to the church at 3 in the afternoon. I was expecting the auditions to go quickly. But, it didn't...I think I finally sang at about 4:45. To add to my nerves, when I sat at the keyboard to play and sing one of my pieces, the ear monitor didn't work. I was only supposed to do a sound check, but since everything was going "ok" I played and sang the enitre song. The song I played and sang was the old hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul." Then I got up to the microphone to sing my other piece, "You Raise Me Up," and the disc was scratched, so it skipped quite a bit of the introduction. It also had some kind of popping noise going on too. Again, I was just supposed to do a sound check but since I didn't know if the disc would play completely, I went through the entire song. I guess it turned out ok. The music director at the church told me that he would be in touch with me to start getting me incorporated with the band. So, I guess that means I made it. I was so stricken with anxiety. There were a couple of times before I sang where I wanted to run to the restroom to puke...but I didn't. I did, however, manage to get a horrible headache last night. Hopefully that will be the last audition I ever have to do the rest of my life.

I have sang hundreds of times before large groups of people, and I get nervous, but not nearly as bad as I did yesterday. I hate being on display for people's criticism. No...no one criticized anyone, but I think we all know how judgemental humans can be.

When I was finished auditioning, I went out to the foyer where everyone else was at. This man I go to church with asked me how long I have been singing. I counted up the years...18 years!!!! That makes me feel old. Then I counted up how many years I have been playing the piano, and that was 11 years. When I had to verbalize those numbers, it made me realize that I am not quite as young as my mind thinks it is. After I heard this one lady play the piano, I couldn't believe that I had the nerve to play myself for one of the pieces I did. Oh well...at least piano is not my primary instrument.

I am looking forward to getting back into the music field. I think I sang more yesterday just practicing than I have in about a year. My voice is terribly out of shape. But, hopefully that will soon change. I miss reading music and singing harmonies. It will be fun to get back into the swing of things.

My mom and grandma are getting back from Arkansas today, so this evening, I will go over to the parents' house to visit with them for a while.

Well, I hope everyone is having a great day! 'Til next time....