Laying a part of me to rest....

I have never been good a grieving. I am too emotional of a person to grieve properly. I try not to deal with raw emotions...sometimes it hurts too badly.

I never looked at growing up as putting to rest my youth. I'm not saying I am getting old, simply life changes as one gets older. One of the aspects of my youth is the close relationship I had with my parents. I depended on them relentlessly, and they did the same with me...so much so that most would say we were way too co-dependent. Coming out has put a damper on our relationship. But, the part that really upsets me is that fact that I have never changed...I just became audible. Voicing what my true identity is has been a truly freeing action. I hear the phrase "Hate the sin, Love the sinner" often. It totally puzzles me. This phrase has been over used. I am told I am wrong for "coming out." However, I am not in a relationship right now, I do not frequent gay bars/clubs, and I am not living a promiscuous life either. At what point has the title become a sin instead of an action? Am I sinning by saying I am gay? Or is it the act of sex that is a sin? I don't know! I am so exhausted about thinking about this that at times, I don't care anymore.

Honesty -- I crack up with disbelief when I listen to my past being used against me. Of course I was dishonest, I was too scared not to be. The last two years have shown me how important being honest really is. I will be the first person to tell you that I have made horrible mistake in my past, but the process of learning from past mistakes has taught me a lot. Life is a process. I can't go back and change past regrets...I can learn from those mistakes and make sure the future is not littered with the same obstacles and lessons that haunted my past.

So, in a way, this weekend felt sort of like a funeral. I had to lay to rest the thought of having a close friend relationship with some family and realize that I have beautiful and vivid memories for a reason. Some friendship are only for a season. That hurts. But that's life, I guess.

I hope everyone has a beautiful day. Take sometime to realize that life is a beautiful gift, it's ours from God!