Frustrations......

Julie, let me preface this by saying this has nothing to do with you....I truly appreciate your love and prayers. I just have a few frustrations with others.....

I am irritated
Current mood: irritated

I understand that many people do not see eye to eye with me on different issues that concern my life. I don't want people to automatically believe that I am correct. It took 25 years for me to build my beliefs. The only thing that I request is that I be given enough credit that I have a relationship with God, and that I experience Him on a daily basis. I have not thrown away all the morals and guidelines to live life by that I was taught as a child.

I am really having a difficult time with people that openly claim the title "Christian." Why am I so wrong that I am open about my life? I am sick of "judgment" being camoflauged as "Expressed concern." I am truly grateful for prayers...that is completely different. But, at the same time, I would like to offer to those people that I am praying that God opens their minds and hearts to see that God is so much bigger than what has been the "norm" for years. I know God has a plan for me...I believe I am fulfilling it.

For years, I have always felt that I was a second-rate Christian...that I was constantly backslidden. I never looked at God as a compassionate being that has my best intentions at heart. But, now I do. I believe God is big enough to change me...I have prayed for years for that to happen. It never has. I would stay depressed when I would pray and plead with God to change me. I was so depressed that a couple of times I tried taking sleep aid to sleep my way to heaven. GOD WAS BIGGER THAN THAT TOO!!!!! I have to believe that God created me, the way I am, who I am and what I am for a specific purpose. I totally understand the process of surrendurance. Not to a lifestyle or to a person or to a life of sin...but a surrendurence to the life I was created to live.

Again...I am not saying to have to agree with everything I say....More than likely, you will say stuff that I don't agree with, but that is the process of life. We are not an island unto ourselves. We cannot create a society of clones who live the same life, believe the same views, and go to the same church (if go to church at all).

Here's the deal...God is big enough to have a specifically unique relationship with me. My relationship with God has nothing to do with my parents...after all, God doesn't have grandchildren. Just because I have different beliefs than my parents, doesn't mean that I am far from God. That also doesn't mean that I live a heathenistic lifestyle. Christians paint me in a stereotype that is so false...I have never been a promiscuous person. Whatever...I am to the point where I don't give a rip anymore.

And, no, I do not go to church any longer. I am out on parole for time already served. i didn't miss more than two Sundays in a row in over 23 years. I have separated God from what is known as the church today. In a Utopia, the church would be the spiritual hospital of the community. It also was the charity provider for the community. Widows and orphans were wards of the church. However, the church has stepped aside from these areas and focus more on raising more money to build bigger buildings with wonderful technology, sound equipment, soft pews/chairs, beautiful vestibules, ornate pastor's studies, mission trips to other countries when our country is in dire need. How am I so wrong for believing that through the years, and I mean hundreds of years, the translation of the Bible to English (which was the 16th language to translate to) might have had a few words that didn't not translate precisely. I have found 3 studies that say that the word "homosexual," as we know it to today: two men living in a committed relationship, is not found any where in the original text of the Bible. Play the game where you whisper a phrase into a person's ear and watch it go around the circle...see how much the phrase changes by the time it gets to the end of the circle.

I hope I have not offended anyone by my remarks, but if I am obligated to listen to "Christians" tell me I am wrong, I need some venue to vent my frustrations.

I hope everyone has a Fabulous weekend.