Two-faced

Current mood: pissed off

I realize, to a certain extent, we are all two-faced. We all have to put on different masks for the different scenarios with which we are presented. I realize we are a different person at work than we are at home. We have a complete different vocabulary used there, I mean no in my family would understand the terms: optimization, keywords, page ranking, targeted traffic, etc. We go to church and use another set of terms: hallelujah, adoration, back-slidden, etc. We can pick different places, and I am convinced that we are different people for different places. I don't necessarily think that is a bad thing, we just naturally do that.

Here's the problem I have... Why should we be someone completely different with our own family? Are these people supposed to be the people who know us most intimately? Are we not supposed to be understanding and honest with family? Shouldn't we be empathetic and "soul-knowing" of those who share the same blood line as us?

I am pissed that I was fooled by a family member. I was blamed for something that had nothing to do with me other than orientation, and when I showed up to visit with family, everyone acted calm. Then I get to work today and find out that I was/am being blamed for something that happened. Seriously, I wish if someone has an issue with me, they would state it instead of being distant and implying that they are just tired. And, who gives others the authority to cast blame before finding out who instigated anything? Above all, we all need to remember that no one is without fault. I think I do a pretty good job at showing my real self. For years, I played the game of hiding myself, my thoughts and my attitude. But the last two years has been a great learning experience. I am a more effective person because I am not trying to fool myself or even my family. I cannot help that some people don't have the balls to be who they truly are. I cannot help that people don't have the balls to actually speak what they truly believe. I cannot help that some people don't have the nerve to actually look me in the eyes to see who I am and what I actually believe. I cannot help that some people don't have the balls to be honest with themselves, and better yet, God.

I know how difficult and scary it can seem to face honesty for the first time. I've been there done that...And I might add, it wasn't my choice to be honest. If I'd had my way about it, I would have stayed closeted until after those who I thought would "crucify" me had long passed away. I was busted out of the closet by the one who chooses to be dishonest and two-faced with me. However, as much as I wish I would have had the nerve/guts/balls to be honest with myself and family, I felt I couldn't...so in a way I understand. But since I have faced reality and honesty, I know it truly is the best policy.

I am sure this seems vague, but whatever....I had to vent somehow. I'll just say this: it is a sad day when those who give off the air that they are God's greatest Christians can't even face honesty. How do they ever plan on being effective in "the Lord's work?"

Sorry for venting...but whatever......